My 18th Birthday...

My 18th Birthday is less than a month away...


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Who Cares???

Nobody Cares...

:'(

Suffering in Pain....

Today I wished to wake up feeling happy… I wanted today to be a Happy Day..

But now,these thoughtz have crept into my mind and now,my heart can't stop bleeding and my tears can't even stop flowing.

I keep thinking of all the wonderful memories that I used to have with my friends… we used to spend happy moments together… but now, they have all left me.. I’m all alone in darkness..

Do I have to be this lonely??
Do I have to suffer so much??
Why can't I be like everyone else??
They don't have to suffer so much...
Why is this so???!!!???

Can Someone Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely...??

It's all part of life....Now,I've felt like I just lost all my best friends.I don't know what's the matter with me.I just want to be a normal person,someone who can fit in with everyone,like the rest of you guys.Everything has changed....And,I'm still here alone.Everyone has found their new best friends,but I'm still here hiding in the dark.

I'm sorry to the whole world that I even EXISTED!!:'(I wished I never happened to be here..:'(I'm just a useless,lousy,stupid,ungrateful PIECE OF DIRT....:'(

:'(...Hurt by everyone...:'(

How can I forget the days??? :

The day my bf and I broke up??
The day I stopped seeing sunshine in my life.
The day I found out the true meaning of sorrow,loneliness,pain,hate,tears and anger.

How can I be blamed??

But it seems as if EVERYTHING is my fault....

Why is it that I suffer so much??
Why is it that I need to be punished??
Why is it that I am being betrayed,used and thrown aside by my friends??
Why is it that I can't be someone else??
Why is it that everyone hates me??
Why is it that I'm always the one with problems??
Why is it that I feel like I've lost the key of friendship??
Why is it that I feel so left alone in the dark??

WHY IS IT MY WORLD IS SO FULL OF SORROW AND LONELINESS?

I just want to be happy.I just want to be what I used to be.I just want a simple life.Everytime I try my best to do something,I am always wrong,I am never right.Everything is blamed on me,but the praise always goes to someone else and not me.After what I did for you,all I got was blame,hate,anger and suffering.What's the use of trying to be a friend if this is what I get in the end?!!!???

When you need someone to be there for you,
I am always willing to be there.
But when I need you the most,
You give me excuses,
You just don't want to care!!
What's the use,I ask you??

This life just ain't FAIR!!!I'm always thrown aside by my friends,the 'friends' I thought could be TRUSTED.But now I know the truth:Nobody really cares.All they do is used me like a toy and after that,*POOF* the deed is done and so is this friendship.

Do you think it's very pleasant??Finding out that everyone has been lying to you,cheating you,playing with you and hurting you in the end??Do you think it's wonderful to love someone for a few years,but in the end you hurt yourself really badly even though you tried your best to forget that person??

Why is it that no one would understand me??Or even lend me a hand when I'm down??

I feel like a girl with no friends,no freedom,no family,no happiness and only SADNESS,LONELINESS and TEARS.

Why can't I just be like everyone else??Nobody spreads rumours about them and making others hate them.Why do people have to do this to me?? Am I that nice to be used as a target??

All I want is a true friend who would listen to me...

To a fren...

This post is dedicated to someone who means a lot to me....Her name is Catherin Wong Shi Mei.. We used to be best friends.. And Today is her birthday..

First of all,I wanna wish Catherin a Happy Birthday and next I want to say that “I'm sorry for everything. You were always there, I always had your back, we were like best friends ever ,unseparatable. But,who would have thought about it?? Things have changed... "

(I never thought there would be a day like that day.A day that I would lose all my friends,all the trust and faith they had put in me,and everything I had always wanted,always treasured.That was the day...The day eveyone started to hate me,spread the rumours about me from one person to the next.The day darkness fell on me.The day my tears have never stopped flowing)


Dear Catherin,

I'm really very sorry for all I have done.I try my best to fit in,but I never seem to get anything right. I'm trying,I promise I'll change. I SWEAR that I will change to a better person.

Catherine,

Why is it I feel like we are like total strangers now?? We are hardly together, we hardly talk that much, we don't even share that much. It feels like we don't even have a friendship between us. Maybe you think I'm sounding ungrateful but...Cath~,to tell you the truth,I feel bad losing a best friend like u.. now u’ve got your own gang of frens… I’m left alone…

Hope You Are Happy Today …

Happy Birthday..

Love,
Hazel Lim Yen Pin (Sarah Lim)

Alone Feeling Lonely...

When I woke up today I knew that it was yet another similiar day.A day I'd would be alone again.A day I'd spend my time crying yet again. A day I would start all over again:Wishing my life wasn't so miserable.

Who here has ever lost a loved one??
Who here has ever had their heart broken??

Well,I have.And I will never forget that feeling.The unbearable pain. The day I stopped having the person who understood me most.The day I lost the faith and trust I had put in myself.The day I started to spend countless of lonely days alone.The day no one really cared.The day everyone left me.The day I started to have no friends....

Shit Life...

can u people just let me be?
i just wanna be myself..
i don wanna be who u wan me to be...

i wanna behave in my own style..
whats wrong with that?
i wanna do things my own way and not the way u want me to..
i wanna do whatever i wanna do.. i wanna be free..
i don wan to be kept in a cage..
i wan freedom... !!

I just wanna be me... the childish, naughty and playful me..
stop blaming me for that! its the way i am..
i'm happy with it... so just leave me alone...
don force me to grow up or act like an adult..
i don wan to..

accept me for the way i am..
don force me to change...
i'm going to continue being myself..

if u don like me like that then just leave me..
i don care..
i'm used to being lonely and alone..

everybody around me is forcing me.. give me stress...
i'm holding all this...
i'm keeping all the anger and pain in my heart..
i know i will burst one day..
i'm gonna kill myself one day... so what?
nobody cares right?
u can hate me as u like.. cos i'm gonna be myself..

my life is just full of shit.. a big pile of shit..
all in feel in my life is just full of sorrow,hate, pain, tears , anger, sadness, loneliness!!!
i hate my life! stop giving me so much pressure!!!

Sad Day...

i thought my sorrow will leave soon... i can no longer hold inside...
the pain is getting deeper and deeper...

why doesnt my family care about me?
is it because that i'm not their real daughter...
is it my fault?
everything is my fault to them..
how i wish i was never born..
how i wish that i can be loved by my mum and dad...
why does god have to treat me like this?

i wanna leave this house... i wanna leave this family... i wanna leave this town... i wanna leave this city... i wanna leave this country..
and i don ever wanna come back,,, i wanna be far away from here... forever!

one day i'll leave... i will certainly leave... and never come back..
they can act as i never appeared in their life..
i never existed...

i'm just an orphan... no one cares or love me..
this is my faith..
i'm born to feel this pain... i'm born to suffer..

why doesn't anyone understand me?
why doesn't anyone care for me?
i'm really hurt inside... and i need a fren to comfort me..
this pain is my heart is increasing each and everyday...

how i wish i can have someone beside me tat truely understand me... i wan an understanding fren, or foster sis or bro... please? is there anyone out there tat understand how i really feel inside?

SmileGirl1988@hotmail.com (msn) find me if u wanna be...

i don wanna cry no more!!!

my heart is broken into pieces...
no friends are around me to make it right..
this loneliness in my heart...
how i hope i can get rid of it...
how can i live?
everything tat i adore is everthing i'm living for... that is friendship..
the only dream i ever had was just a have a few true friends..
i need some time to make it right...
i don wanna stay like this no more!!!

I wish i were dead...

BeCause:...
If I were dead,I never would have to suffer so much.
No one shall ever understand my pain.
All I can do in life is struggle to freedom,
hoping that at the end of this dark,
lonely tunnel there will be sunshine with joy,
happiness and laughter.
BUT....
I will never have that sunshine in my life.
If only life wasn't so tough
If only life was more peaceful
I f only I could just stab the knife that's in my hand now into my heart
But...
I can't....
"No natter what happens,we must go on"
Well...Yeah...I know this is true...
But why is it that I feel I can't do this??
Life is so unfair,I'll never be happy.
I shall ALWAYS be in this world full of SADNESS,SORROW and LONELINESS.
I wished I could have friends,but everyone hates me,including "him"
:'(
I wanna drive this knife into my heart NOW....
:'(
I don't wanna live...
:'(
What's the point??
I never get to have freedom
I never have JOY,HAPPINESS or even LAUGHTER in my life
There's no point in living
What's the good?
No matter how hard I try,No one will realize or care
No matter what I do,It is ALWAYS wrongIt is NEVER right
I wished I had friends,but everyone HATES me...
I wished my 'candle' of life would burn out this instant...
:'(

forgive

All I want is another chance and forgiveness from you all
I regret to have been such a fool
I want another chance to change over
I want your forgiveness
Can you all out there stop talking behind my back??
One last chance...That's all I'm asking....
Will I ever get my chance??
Will you ever forgive me??
this is a question for all of you out there...
I hope you will....

Darkness

All around me is DARKNESS
All I feel is hatred
All I have is SORROW
I can't help crying
cause these tears of mine will never stop flowing
All I can do is cry
No matter how hard I try
I cannot ease my tears
They won't stop flowing
Cause my heart can't stop bleeding
All my life...
I have been struggling and suffering
I can't have a better life
No matter how hard I even try
My friends keep leaving me one by one
And many people are always talking behind my back
I can't help thinking
Am I a destroyer??
Am I such a bad person??
What did I even do??
Would someone even tell me what I did wrong
So that I can change??
Can't you give me another chance??

Why Why Why???

What is the hell wrong with ME?
Why do I feel so sad all the time?
Why my tears came down sometimes ,but there is no reason to cry?
Why sometimes in a crowded place,I still feel so lonely?
Why sometimes,when I see you,yet I still want to cry?
Why sometimes,when I think or miss you,my tears won't stop flowing and my heart kept on bleeding?
Whats wrong with me?
Why won't my heart stop bleeding?
Why does it have to be like this?
I wanna have HAPPINESS, but all that I have is SADNESS.
Why is this world so damn cruel?

Pain Pain Pain

When i need someone, there's nobody around...
When i need love, i'm alone...
when i call my friends, nobody is home...

i can run away but i cant hide from a stormy lonely night...

when i wanna cry, nobody lends me their shoulder to cry on...
when i need someone, nobody cares for me...
when i'm feeling sad, my hearts get colder...

can someone show me what real love can do?

my sky is always grey...
when the nights are getting cold and blue, nobody is by my side...
when the days are getting hard for me, nobody is with me...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

i was weak and i coudnt even hide...
deep inside me I feel like I'm dying...
my world has become so empty...
The days are so cold and lonely...
and each night I feel pain...

Before and noW..

It was a very long time ago.......
While the birds sing cheerfully in the beautiful morning's sky
And I wake up to another wonderful day
Full with joy,happiness,laughter
Being with all my wonderful friends
But that was a very long time ago

Now...................
Every day when I get up
All I hear is the stillness in my dark bedroom
My day starts with SORROW,SADNESSand LONELINESS
once moreFull with tears,anger and hate
Stuck in the darkest corner
With no friendsJust alone....

A Long Time AgoAfter School..............
I arrive home with a bunch of friends
After finishing our homework
We go out and play We had fun We had joy
We shared our secrets among each other
And helped each other with our problems

But Now....................
Reaching home with tears in my eyes
When I close my bedroom door
The tears won't stop rolling down my cheeks
Hurt,Sad and LonelyHatred and Loneliness is all I feel
Others are out playing happily
While I'm stuck in my bedroom
Crying for hours
But no one cares

What did I do wrong???
What did I do in the past???
I wanna know why....
just so lonelyI have no friends
I am being hated
People talk behind my back ALL THE TIME
I can't help feeling ALONE
:'(I want my normal life back..:'(

Whats Wrong with my classmates?

What is wrong with my classmates???

All they do is:

-Blame me
-Bully me
-Hate me
-Make fun of me
-Say things behind my back
-Make me feel like I don't belong in this school
-Make things look like my fault
-Make my life miserable
-Use me
-Pretend to be my friends
-Never listen to me but want me to listen to them
-Make me feel like I'm USELESS
-Won't be my friends
-Give me MORE and MORE loneliness
-Hurt my feelings
-Telling me I don't fit in with them 'Chinese'
-Making me feel bad about EVERYTHING

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I just feel so alone,so left out,so forgotten...It's like I'm an INVISIBLE person...

:'( I have no friends...

:'(The only friends I have are the teachers...

:'( The only person who would listen to my thoughts is my teacher..

:'(Why???

:'(What is wrong with me???

I'm trying my best!!:'(

:'(Why won't they understand???

:'(I try my best to fit in,to be a better person...

:'(But they won't let me try...

:'(I'm not different from them..

:'(I'm just a mixed-blood...

:'(I'm not an alien...

:'(I'm not a Scottish,British or English...

:'(I'm a Malaysian like all of them..

:'(But they just won't believe it...:'(
:'(They blame me for EVERYTHING..

:'(They think everything is MY FAULT...

:'(Every one has their mistakes and faults in life..

:'(No one is perfect in this world...

:'(But they don't have to do this to me!!:'(

:'(Alone in the dark..

.:'(With hatred all around me..

:''(I want friends..

:'( I wished i knew WHY people HATE me

:'(I wanna know why...

:'(I cry every night because of all these thoughts...

:'(

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

What's wrong with my friends?

What is wrong with them???
Can't we be good frens??
there's nth wrong wit it!!
Can't I have a fren???
Why wont they understand???
:'( They nvr understand!!
:'( No matter how much effort i even put on..
They ALWAYS find excuses
:'( It's always the same...
I have ALL the FAULTS...
:'( They have no faults...
:'( Only the student HAZEL LIM YEN PIN,class number25, sitting at the last seat at the second row has FAULTS!!
:'( Its ALWAYS MY FAULT!!
:'( y?y?y?y?y?y????
:'( i wished i nvr went to dis class!!!
:'( its full wit ppl who BULLY me,MAKE FUN of me...
:'( I hate it...
:'(

Sad sad sad

Haiz...I'm having such bad times in school...
:'(First I start to lose friends..
:'(Then I get scolded when it wasn't even my fault...
:'(So many ppl are toking behind my back..
:'(So many ppl hate me..
:'(All I have in Life is SADNESS,SORROW and LONELINESS....
:'(Why won't anyone care??
I wished my world's best fren still trusted me but I know she can't trust me..
I wished My BFF was still together with me..
I wished My dearest friend was still friendly with me...:
'(But they are ALL avoiding me...
:'(What is WRONG with me???
:'(WHAT did I do wrong???
What,Why and How???
:'(I wished my life was simple,full with FRIENDS,HAPPINESS,JOY and LAUGHTER
:'(But all I have now is SADNESS, SORROW, LONELINESS, TEARS, HATE and ANGER
:'(I wished I could have FRIENDS...
:'(it's all I want...:'(

The Real Sarah..And the Fake Hazel...

on the 20th December 1988 that day i was born... My dad was British... My mum was Scotish mix chinese... They named me Sarah... when my i was born for about a week or two my dad left my mum... After that my mum gave me away to her sister (i don know what reason)... and changed my name to Hazel... From that day on Sarah was dead and Hazel came alive.. My Auntie was also chinese mix scotish of cos.. After that i became my auntie's daughter... and became the eldest sister of brother and two sisters... they looked like chinese more than i do... and i never knew why i don look like them very much... I never knew that the parents i have now were not my real parents until when i was 14 after my grandmother passed away on the day that i tried to commit suicide but failed.. That day i was shocked to find out that i was adopted... my "mum" told me the truth that i was her sister's daughter... there were tears in my eyes... my "auntie" was here for my grandma's funeral and i didnt even knew that she was my real mum until she went back home... that was the only time i saw her as she never came and see me... she was living in the uk... and i'm in malaysia.. that time she was here she lived with us but she didnt treat me well.. i never saw my real father before... my "mum" told me he was just an ashole... from tat day on... i started to feel hate and anger ... i felt that i hated my real parents for throwing me away.. i felt pain and there were tears everytime i think of them... My "mum" told me that my name used to be Sarah and she changed it because Sarah sounds like Salah a malay word which means wrong.. from that day Until today i still feel that my life is full of pain,sadness, tears, anger and hate... and my smiles and happy moments started to fade away.. Now i'm a Sad Girl... I feel so Sad... Nobody knows how i really feel inside... Am i now Sarah and Hazel? I'm confused... Why is god so unfair to me? i wan to be normal like all the other kids.. i wanna be with my real parents like all the other kids.. i don wan to be an "orphan"... it doesnt feel good.... its feels awful... i don know when i'm gonna burst... I cant stand all this any longer.. one day i'm gonna burst and that will be the end of me... and Hazel will also die...

Hello... I'm Sarah Lim...

Let me introduce myself... I'm 18 this year(2006)... I am a Chinese mix British mix Scotish girl.. I was born on the 20th December 1988 in Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia... My Hobbies are Singing, Dancing, Listening to Music and many more.. I'm very interested in Music... I'm also a Playful Girl.. I Love to Make People Smile and Laughs... I like to share happiness with my friends and be with my friends and cheer them up when they are feeling down.. I'm Friendly and i like to make friends... no matter who you are, tall or short/fat or thin/rich or poor/malay or chinese or indian or watever/ugly or pretty or handsome, i will be your friend and will never forget you... I don care what you look like.. i just care about who u are inside and not from the outside... Lets be friends... My email is SarahLim1988@hotmai.com (msn and friendster too) Smile Always... Friendship Forever... Hugs And Kissies... Just From Sarah Lim... Your true friend..