The Real Sarah..And the Fake Hazel...

on the 20th December 1988 that day i was born... My dad was British... My mum was Scotish mix chinese... They named me Sarah... when my i was born for about a week or two my dad left my mum... After that my mum gave me away to her sister (i don know what reason)... and changed my name to Hazel... From that day on Sarah was dead and Hazel came alive.. My Auntie was also chinese mix scotish of cos.. After that i became my auntie's daughter... and became the eldest sister of brother and two sisters... they looked like chinese more than i do... and i never knew why i don look like them very much... I never knew that the parents i have now were not my real parents until when i was 14 after my grandmother passed away on the day that i tried to commit suicide but failed.. That day i was shocked to find out that i was adopted... my "mum" told me the truth that i was her sister's daughter... there were tears in my eyes... my "auntie" was here for my grandma's funeral and i didnt even knew that she was my real mum until she went back home... that was the only time i saw her as she never came and see me... she was living in the uk... and i'm in malaysia.. that time she was here she lived with us but she didnt treat me well.. i never saw my real father before... my "mum" told me he was just an ashole... from tat day on... i started to feel hate and anger ... i felt that i hated my real parents for throwing me away.. i felt pain and there were tears everytime i think of them... My "mum" told me that my name used to be Sarah and she changed it because Sarah sounds like Salah a malay word which means wrong.. from that day Until today i still feel that my life is full of pain,sadness, tears, anger and hate... and my smiles and happy moments started to fade away.. Now i'm a Sad Girl... I feel so Sad... Nobody knows how i really feel inside... Am i now Sarah and Hazel? I'm confused... Why is god so unfair to me? i wan to be normal like all the other kids.. i wanna be with my real parents like all the other kids.. i don wan to be an "orphan"... it doesnt feel good.... its feels awful... i don know when i'm gonna burst... I cant stand all this any longer.. one day i'm gonna burst and that will be the end of me... and Hazel will also die...